A PLEA FOR PLAID PANTS

Never was there a lament heard and silent wailing that followed as when a remark was made and a question raised about the superiority of plaid pants. Everyone knows, as science has proven and DNA testing has exhibited, plaid holds the warmth of the body as no plain cloth even pretends to do. It is the blending of the brown, black and natural colors, that build a pattern so exquisite that the particles of air delicately warmed by the body, cannot, and would not even want to escape. We would ask why would anyone want plain trousers? Plain patterns don’t attract any more than a colorless rose would attract the young suitor planning to buy a gift for the beautiful girl he wants to win.

Now it is psychologically evident and spiritually necessary to forgive the expresser of such a remark, whoever that might be, for she has been so magnanimous to include the owner of the said trousers into her extended family. But why can we not reconcile such a delicate plaid with the family that has a blending of the white, brown and gray in it? Is that not sort of a plaid pattern? Furthermore the owner of the featured trousers has a plaid cap that has called for ten times more favorable comments than any other piece of clothing that he wears.

It must be noted that the owner of said clothing has never wasted valuable money to buy two pairs of anything when only one is required. That frugality is evident if the remarker could be enticed to visit his home, for in the bathroom she would find two hand towels delicately placed in a special ring holder. These two towels are part of a set of wedding gifts given sixty one years ago, mostly reserved for guests, but now allowed to be part of daily cleansing. So if only a little patience is exercised, the plaid pants will be laid aside for the natural warmth of spring and summer, and then come out in fresh beauty with the new fallen snow.

Copyright © 2003 Herman Riffel